From Helper to Leader: How to Stop Saying Yes to Everything and Start Saying Yes to Yourself
Helping others is a beautiful trait. One we often associate with being a good colleague, a great team player, a reliable friend.
Many of us are raised and rewarded for being the ones who make things work, especially as women, and we do it quietly, competently, without complaint.
But what happens when that helpfulness becomes your entire identity?
The Helpful One Trap
There’s someone like this in almost every workplace. You might even be her.
She’s the one who takes on the jobs no one else wants.
She makes the tea, stays late, sets up the meeting room, offers to fix the printer, takes detours to help others on her way home.
It’s generous. It’s kind. And it’s exhausting.
And over time, it becomes a hamster wheel of helpfulness, where everyone else gets supported, and she gets… stuck.
Why We Do It
There’s a real sense of pride in being useful. It can feel like a shortcut to belonging.
But when our identity becomes wrapped up in being indispensable to others, we forget how to be devoted to ourselves.
We stop asking:
What do I need?
What do I want from my career?
What’s actually aligned with my values?
Reclaiming Your Energy (and Time)
It’s not about becoming selfish or saying no to everything; it’s about starting with you.
Start paying attention to where your yeses go, were they values-aligned or automatic? Were they about making someone else’s life easier, or were they a conscious choice that moved you closer to your own goals?
This is Self-Leadership.
It’s the root of Main Character Energy.
When you lead with your values, when you advocate for your needs, claim your time, and protect your energy, you step into a version of yourself that’s not just helpful…
It’s powerful, clear, and in alignment.
Ask yourself this week:
What’s one thing I said yes to that maybe didn’t need a yes?
And how can I start saying yes to myself more often?
If this resonates, you’ll love the Work, Rest, Play Group Coaching Programme.
It’s built for women like you who are ready to stop spinning plates for everyone else—and start creating a life and career that feels aligned, expansive, and unapologetically yours.
